![]() For instance, something I often have wondered about is having a second variable, “How important is this to you?” Not everything we absolutely love is something that we necessarily have to have, and some things we absolutely must have, might not be stupendously hot but to not have it would be intolerable. I thought this was an excellent idea, and it prompted me to think about all the various ways in which a single measure, however graded, between “no” and “yes, yes, YES!” was insufficient. What mentioned that caught my eye, was that the version her partner gave her had options for placing conditions such as “Yes, but only to please my Dominant”. The basic idea is that you give each of them a score out of five, with 0 being “No way nu-uh” (or “hard limit” in the parlance) and 5 being “OMG yes, yes! YES!” ![]() ![]() ![]() Clarisse Thorn explains the utility of such a thing, and Scarleteen has a non-BDSM version. And that's okay.So a couple of weeks ago, and I were chatting on twitter about BDSM checklists.įor those who don’t know (and if so, hello and welcome!) a BDSM checklist is a long (sometimes very very long) list of kinks, sexual activities, and non-sexual roles or activities, that might come up in a BDSM context. they're clearly content with their lives, why is it important for me to insist they believe what I believe? Not all men care to learn to be better at being a man. It's a lot like batshit-crazy religious folks, the folks that attend comic book conventions, or soccer fans. I don't really care to convert betas because it's a waste of time helping people that don't want it and, more importantly, their beta status has absolutely no impact on my world. When they're ready, we'll be here.Īt the end of the day, though, it's a moot point. Like the shod runners that would take the time and effort to belittle barefoot running, I would expect them to be asking for advice within the year. If my barefoot running experiences are an indicator, these dudes have an inkling that their worldview is causing them significant angst and feel the void, but haven't had that "major injury" experience to compel them to overcome the fear of change. Their interest is fascinating because I would expect anyone that wasn't interested would simply ignore my ramblings. It's no surprise sexual passivity and being overly cautious is one of the most common complaints women have about their sexual partners.Ĭuriously, I have a fair number of beta males that routinely jump into discussions related to the Man Camp view of gender roles. This is obviously problematic in a society that obsesses over the silly idea of "rape culture" because it makes most men extremely wary about expressing sexual dominance. This one was another tough lesson to accept, though the runaway popularity of '50 Shades of Gray' should have been a good hint, but it took the now-rare book " The Sex God Method" to really hammer home the point - almost all women love sexually dominant men. men that are good at being men make panties wet. It's no surprise the men that join our male-only San Diego Man Camp group universally experience an increase in sexual frequency and quality. There's nothing remotely arousing about androgynous blobs. Eliminate one or both and passion disappears. The stronger that difference, the greater the potential for arousal. Traditional masculinity (not to be confused with the androgyny of the modern metrosexual male) and traditional femininity are kinda like the yin and yang of sexual arousal. "Falling" is measured by the intensity of the feelings we have for the other person, which we often call "having a spark." This is why sometimes we have incredibly powerful feelings for a person that's not our type or feel nothing for someone that's perfect on paper. The greater the difference between our genes, the stronger we "fall" for the person. We give of pheromones that contain information about our genetic makeup. Okay, I've known about this one for a while. As such, it's important to learn to alternate between the two. Passion requires mystery and distance, intimacy requires mutual self-disclosure and vulnerability. ![]() I've written about this phenomenon before, so I'll keep it brief (see the linked post for more detail.) In essence, passion, or the desire to have sex with someone, and intimacy, the closeness and bonding we feel with another, are mutually exclusive. ![]()
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